


Shadow of Comfort

by FiascoWay



Category: The Mentalist
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Male-Female Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-12
Updated: 2016-03-12
Packaged: 2018-05-26 05:38:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6226087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiascoWay/pseuds/FiascoWay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Teresa has a miserable day and Jane tries to help in his own infuriating, inimitable way. Set a short time before the pilot episode and addresses the mystery of the dog pictured on Lisbon's desk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shadow of Comfort

**Author's Note:**

> This story is set a short time before the pilot episode. We know Lisbon owned a dog but we never saw it on the show. This is one possible explanation.
> 
> Disclaimer: Bruno Heller owns the characters, Robin Tunney owns the pictures of the dog on Lisbon's desk.

Lisbon ended the call and took a deep breath to steady herself. Her tension headache was suddenly forgotten, replaced by the deep ache of sheer misery settling itself in her chest. What had already been a long, frustrating day had just become far worse.

Lisbon stared at the framed picture on her desk and felt tears threaten. She exhaled painfully through a constricted throat and then placed the photo face down and closed her eyes. She needed a second to refocus on what needed to do be done in order to escape the office as soon as possible. When she opened them she gave an undignified squeak at the unexpected presence of her consultant.

"Jane!" She snapped. "How many times have I told you to knock, goddammit."

"Often enough to have realised it's futile, I'd have hoped." If Jane was bothered by her harsh tone he gave no indication.

Lisbon glared at him, momentarily too upset to say anything. Jane was about to follow up with some annoyingly pithy rejoinder when she remembered what had ruined her day before the call. "Why are you even here? Shouldn't you have the sense to keep a low profile given you ruined Carrington's $5000 dollar suit with that stupid magic trick you bungled!"

Jane was dismissive. "I'll buy him a new one."

"Yeah right," Lisbon snarked bitterly. "Like you can afford to shell out that sort of money on what we pay you."

Jane contented himself with raising an eyebrow. His habit of living frugally tended to make people forget he was a millionaire quite a few times over.

Lisbon flushed, embarrassed at her faux pas. "Uh, well OK. I expect you to call him tomorrow and make him that offer."

Jane paused as if in thought. "On the other hand, you raise a very good point, Lisbon. For all Carrington knows I'm a penniless public servant like the rest of you. It might be better if I just convince him he didn't like that suit in the first place…"

"Jane!" Lisbon bellowed in fury. A few people in the bullpen looked up at the noise. Flushing even more deeply she pinned Jane with a basilisk stare while she visibly tried to master herself. Jane, of course, looked as cool as ever, his hair perfectly groomed and not a bead of sweat despite the muggy summer's day or the naked fury of Lisbon's gaze.

Rather than fleeing or turning to stone, (happy thought!) he shut the office door and casually seated himself on her couch. "You're welcome," he said as he insouciantly eased back into the cushions.

There was a threshold to how much even Lisbon could be further outraged. She slumped into her chair and swiped her sweaty bangs from her forehead. "I'm welcome," she said in a defeated voice that nevertheless retained an edge of sarcasm.

Noting her deep unhappiness, Jane decided to relent a little. "A bit of anger is good for dealing with sadness, takes the edge off, gets you feeling alive again."

Lisbon closed her eyes wearily before straightening up and rallying like a pro. "I'm feeling sad because you deliberately pissed off an influential witness? Or is this the more deeper sadness of the approaching anniversary of you being my pain in the ass consultant?"

Jane flashed a knowing smile. "Now, now, Lisbon. We both know that's not what's got you feeling so sad." He leaned forward and swept his eyes over her desk before piercing her with what she'd come to think of as his mentalist stare. "You're sad because of the phone call you just received from your… vet?"

Lisbon relaxed a fraction. "You're wrong," she said with the hint of triumph she could never quite disguise on the rare occasions Jane guessed wrong.

Her psychic refused to admit defeat. "Your neighbour then," he said before a micro expression made him guess again. "No, your dog walker!" For a second he flashed his patented 'Jane is right again' smile before he remembered the circumstances and allowed it to fade.

Lisbon still looked like she wanted to deny the truth of his words so Jane used a re-framing technique to turn his guess into a statement. "Your dog walker called you with some bad news, about your dog, obviously." His boss's momentary silence was tacit acknowledgement he was right as usual.

The fight left Lisbon as quickly as it had come. Rather than continue the exhausting argument she shifted tack and decided there wasn't anything in her office she couldn't attend to later. Her top priority was getting away from Jane and dealing with what she had to.

She snapped her laptop shut, supressing a slight twinge of guilt for not initiating the shut-down sequence. Grabbing her shoulder bag she swished around her desk and through the bullpen where the rest of her team wisely kept their heads down.

While waiting for the elevator she willed herself to keep it together until she reached the safety of her car. She wasn't given even a minute's respite before sensing Jane at her shoulder. Resolutely ignoring him, she studied the decorative frescos on the wall until the elevator arrived. The second the door opened she marched into the blessedly empty conveyance and stabbed the basement button. Jane, naturally, had ample time to follow her in before the doors closed.

As they descended she watched Jane out of the corner of her eye. The infuriating man seemed content to rock gently back and forwards on his heels without paying her the slightest attention. Naively she allowed herself to hope he was also leaving for home and even went so far to say "Night Jane," as she made a beeline for her car.

She noted the Citroen was in an entirely different section of the car park so when Jane continued to follow at her heels she couldn't deny what was happening any longer. She stopped suddenly and was viciously pleased when Jane's stomach collided with her shoulder bag.

She spun around. "What the hell Jane? Now is really not the time for you to pull any more of your crap!"

Jane gazed at her sympathetically. "You are about to say goodbye to an animal that was very dear to you and I don't want you to go through that alone."

Lisbon felt her bottom lip threaten to quiver and drew on the near endless reserves of anger that Jane seemed to inspire. "It's just a dog. I'll be fine. Just let me be for Christ's sake!"

Now Jane finally appeared annoyed. "You love that dog! He's a huge part of your life so why pretend otherwise? How about you drop the Robocop routine for once and admit you'd rather not face this alone?"

Lisbon felt a stab of hurt at the Robocop jibe. Surely that wasn't true? She wasn't a robot around the team, she could crack a joke as good as the next person and she was the first to be there when her team needed her…

Seeing his words hit home Jane moved past Lisbon and stood by the passenger door. His body language projected the certainty of him coming with her.

He was rewarded by the chirp of doors unlocking and Lisbon sliding gracelessly behind the wheel. Jane too climbed in. Now that he'd gotten his way he took care to stay silent.

They'd left early enough to beat the rush hour traffic and the ride to Lisbon's apartment was mercifully short. Lisbon acknowledged Jane for the first time. "You stay here, I won't be long."

As she left the car Jane was strongly tempted to follow along behind her. The sheer need to get a better read on Lisbon via a first glimpse at the inside of her apartment burned almost as hot as desire. With an effort he mastered himself. He needed to play this like a long con, reach for the prize too early and the mark would be scared off.

To his credit associating the word mark with Lisbon made him slightly uneasy. Still, Lisbon was so hard to read he had no choice but to make the most of the current situation to learn as much as he could. He ruthlessly quashed any comparison between what he was doing with Lisbon and the countless grief stricken women he'd bilked during his psychic days.

Lisbon walked into her kitchen to check on Shadow's food and water. They remained untouched, though her faithful friend raised his head when she entered. The golden brown eyes stared at her with complete trust and devotion, making Lisbon bitterly regret the necessity of what was to come. She dropped down next to her friend and ran her fingers lightly along the bony skull, now crowned with more grey hairs than gold one.

With a soft grunt she lifted him up, doggie basket and all and was shocked by how light he'd become. Guilt rushed through Teresa like she'd been hit by a cold wave. For months she'd been in denial about Shadow's condition and now she had the horrid fear her dog had been needlessly suffering. As if to reassure her Shadow swished his tail against the basket and pressed his nose against her neck. Lisbon nuzzled him back and then steeled her resolve. She stepped out of her apartment, awkwardly using her ankle to hook the door shut behind her.

As she approached her car she saw Jane had slipped behind the wheel. He leaned over and unlatched the passenger door and Lisbon allowed herself to feel grateful for his foresight in deciding to drive.

The clinic wasn't far away and despite Jane driving with exaggerated caution, Lisbon's time with Shadow was short. She spent the entire ride whispering reassurances in his ear. The fact he showed no interest in his surroundings made it clear her decision was the right one.

On arrival Jane seemed to be everywhere at once; opening the passenger door and ushering her in, dealing with the receptionist and ensuring she and Shadow were seated comfortably. Lisbon was dimly aware of what was happening but his deft assurance allowed her to relinquish her customary control. For the first time in her adult life she let go of all sense of responsibility and allowed someone else to look after her.

On later reflection she would question why she allowed it, wondering just how much Jane was manipulating her. She constantly worried about falling under his dazzling spell, being drawn in by his brilliance until she lost all sense of right and wrong. Ultimately what comforted her was the underlying sense of need that Jane exuded. She had the faint suspicion that all the while Jane was helping her he was somehow helping himself by re-enacting a fantasy of supporting someone through a tragedy.

The self-analysis and reflection came later. At the time all she was aware of was Shadow and the need to make his final minutes as comfortable and stress free as possible. At one point an assistant walked her through the process for Shadow's euthanasia. There were several choices to be made and Jane negotiated their way through them, his calm voice assuring her of the rightness of their decisions.

For a time Shadow was taken away and Jane sat next to her in the waiting room. He was very different from his normal chatty, observational self. His focus seemed to be fixed ahead of him but Lisbon could sense his entire awareness was concentrated on observing her. When the clinician called Lisbon into the medical room Jane walked her to the door with an arm unobtrusively around her shoulder. He murmured he would be in the waiting room and left her in peace.

Lisbon sat next to the operating table. Shadow's lower half was covered by a blanket but his head and forepaws were clear. The clinician told her she'd be back with the veterinarian in five minutes.

Finally alone, Lisbon's shoulders shook as she buried her face in her friend's side. Shadow had been part of her life since she'd rescued him from a drug house during her beat cop years in the SFPD. His abject state of neglect had awoken the nurturing side of her personality that had lain dormant since her break from her brothers in Chicago.

Little did she know when she'd taking on the dirty, wounded stray that he would recover to be a beautiful little creature with a boundless sense of optimism and trust despite the privations of his early years. He'd brightened her life immeasurably. No matter how tough her days were he was always there to welcome her home, cutting through her frustration or exhaustion with his unstinting and exuberant joy of seeing her.

They'd enriched each other's lives so much. She re-discovered her love of running through the need to keep him exercised and it became an early morning and late night ritual for the pair of them to pound the streets side by side. No matter the challenges, brutality and betrayals of her work, Shadow was completely loving and loyal. He loved her simply for the person she was, the centre of his universe.

Lisbon sniffed loudly, causing Shadow to half-heartedly try to lift his weary head to lick her face. She'd named him Shadow but in truth he was her sunshine. The constant in her life that gave her the strength to rise above the daily grind when her sandcastles of hope and determination were erased by the remorseless ocean of human despair.

"I'm going to miss you buddy," she whispered. "You were the best friend a person could have. The best dog in the whole world. So happy, so much fun, so comforting and kind. You were always there for me…" Lisbon lost control of her voice as grief clamped her throat shut. "I'll see you again one day, in heaven…" she grated out with an effort before allowing a sob to escape her body.

For a minute, just a short minute, Lisbon allowed the sadness and loss to consume her before she pulled herself together. Her friend deserved better than to witness her distress. She breathed a few more ragged breaths before bringing herself under control. She renewed her endearments as the door opened and the veterinary staff quietly entered the room.

The vet quietly explained what would happen next and Lisbon nodded silently at the appropriate points. As the preparations were complete she took Shadow's head into her hands and looked him in his one good eye.

"This isn't forever. I know God has a place put aside for you in heaven, and when I get there one day I'll see you again my love. I promise, I'll see you again."

The sound of Lisbon's voice made Shadow's tail thump briefly before weariness made it subside again. Lisbon continued to whisper words of love and gratitude as the doctor caught her eye that she was ready.

Lisbon nodded without relinquishing her grip or breaking eye contact. She didn't see the needle slip into the vein in Shadow's foreleg but she did feel him relax in her hands and the light fade from his eyes even as they closed. She felt him breathe lightly, one puff, two, and then a great, peaceful exhalation that signalled an end to his suffering.

The veterinarian placed a sympathetic hand on Lisbon's shoulder before leaving the room with her assistant. Lisbon closed her eyes and placed a loving kiss on the top of her departed friend's head. It was still warm from the life so recently departed. She whispered a final farewell and then composed herself as best she could. She was silently grateful for the wash basin and paper towels in the room. Jane would no doubt read everything in her face regardless, but at least the rest of the world wouldn't know.

Jane got up as she entered the waiting area and led the way back to her car. Lisbon felt herself float behind him, almost as if she was a balloon attached to his wrist. He walked to the passenger side and opened the door for her. Lisbon refused to make eye contact and waited for him to step aside but then, unexpectedly, he enclosed her in a warm hug.

Lisbon froze for a second before allowing herself to relax. She felt her emotions threaten to overwhelm her again so she focused on the odd sensation of being hugged by Jane. He was a lot more solid, than she'd expected. Around the office he came across as quite ethereal but she could feel the strength in his arms and chest. His presence was warm and comforting, astonishingly so given his normal ability to antagonise her. She breathed in his scent and was surprised at how pleasant it was; an unmistakeably male smell, earthy with a hint of expensive deodorant and the exotic whiff of danger conveyed by the chemicals used to dry clean his suit.

One of Jane's hands was pressed firmly against her shoulder blades, it was large enough to nearly span them both and she was surprised by the strength it seemed to lend her, the way it made her feel safe and protected… loved. A dangerous thought and one she cut short by pushing gently against him after only a few seconds of basking in the sunshine of his embrace.

She peered up at Jane's face. He wore an odd expression, like someone who'd rediscovered something they'd thought was lost. He wasn't at all offended by her ending his embrace. "Feel better?" He asked gently, with just a hint of shyness.

Lisbon nodded and managed a weak smile. "You could charge by the minute for those hugs," she ventured, trying for a measure of distance and levity.

Jane's answering smile was more than a little smug. "What a great idea! Hug therapy. I could make even more money than in my conman days. What do you think, could I tempt Cho away to be my receptionist?"

Lisbon's felt a most unladylike snort of appreciation escape from her chest. Firmly but affectionately elbowing Jane aside, she got into the passenger seat. Her humour was fleeting as her thoughts returned to Shadow and the fact he was truly gone. Jane got behind the wheel and regarded her carefully before turning the ignition.

The car slid out of the lot and joined the traffic headed in the direction of the CBI offices. Lisbon closed her eyes and leaned back in her seat. If she wasn't careful she could get used to being around a man who didn't need to be told what she wanted.

Jane interrupted her dangerous line of thinking. "Tell me a happy memory about Shadow," he coaxed gently.

Instead of the countless good times Lisbon's mind flashed back to the day she found Shadow. It was in the ruins of a drug den where a mother and daughter had been brutally murdered. It'd been one of the worst in Lisbon's relatively short experience and she'd almost lost it in front of her colleague. She was walking around the house, trying to get the images of death out of her head when she literally stumbled over Shadow where he was lying malnourished and forgotten in a filthy corner.

Lisbon had always loved dogs and seeing one in such a poor state had wrenched at her heart. She took the time to comfort the little animal and even got it some water from the rusted kitchen tap. That was all it had taken, a few kind words and some water for the dog to decide to put all its faith in her. For the rest of the night the dog followed her around as she'd helped secure the scene for Detective Bosco and his team.

Lisbon had been hyper aware of the tough detective. The McTeer case had fast tracked a promotion and she was desperate to be asked to join his team. She remembered envying Bosco's cool competence and detachment as he assessed the scene and effortlessly took command. He had sympathy for the victims but didn't let it distract from what he needed to do. Later in the night she'd felt his eyes on her and looked up to see him grinning.

"You'd better call the pound cause that mutt's been following you around like your shadow," he'd said.

Lisbon looked down at her dog. "If I send him to the pound they'll just put him down. He deserves better than that after what he's been through."

Bosco's grin remained but a healthy dose of warning overshadowed his tone. "Saint Teresa. You can't take in every stray you come across. In our line it'll burn you out."

Lisbon's expression turned defiant. "Maybe not, sir, but I can make a difference to this one. I'll see you back at the precinct." Not waiting for a response she headed for the door. She'd officially clocked off hours ago and if she hadn't already impressed him with her dedication she never would.

Bosco rolled his eyes at the rest of his team as he shook his head in amusement. "What're you gonna call it?" He shouted after her.

Lisbon shot a cheeky look over her shoulder that pieced Bosco's to the centre of his cynical heart. "Shadow, of course!"

Coming back to herself Lisbon blinked away tears and dashed the evidence away with the back of a hand. Traffic was slow and they still had a way to go before reaching the CBI offices so she related the story. As a matter of instinct she went light on the details, wary of letting Jane into her past.

She thought back to the Bosco of that time, before frustration with the system led him to an act she could never quite forgive him for. It had re-enforced a long standing suspicion, that the man didn't exist who wouldn't let her down if she was foolish enough to trust him. With the exception of poor Shadow, of course. His only failure was the weakness of his brave little body that gave out long before she was ready to let him go.

"Do you ever miss your colleagues from SFPD?" Jane asked as if plucking her thoughts from her mind.

Lisbon turned evasive. "It was a long time ago," she said as if that was answer enough. "Let me tell you about what happened when I tried to get Shadow cleaned up at home…"

The rest of the drive was spent recounting happier times with Shadow and by the time they reached the CBI her heart was appreciably lighter. They exited the car and it was clear to both of them Lisbon would be OK.

Jane handed over her keys and offered a final piece of advice. "When you're ready to go to sleep tonight, spend a few minutes fixing a happy memory of you and Shadow in your mind. Take the time to remember the time of day, the smells, what you could hear. Make it as real and vivid as you can. I guarantee you'll fall asleep within minutes and if you dream at all, they'll be happy ones of the two of you.

Lisbon swallowed. The Jane who'd been with her the last two hours was entirely different to the brilliant but infuriating man who'd alternatively enlivened and tormented her working life for the last year. She suddenly wondered what might have prompted him to show this more caring side. She scanned Jane's face for an ulterior motive but he was as unreadable as ever. Maybe there was a wistfulness to him she normally associated with talk of his family. She couldn't be sure.

Feeling guilty for her suspicions she allowed her genuine gratitude to show. "Thanks Jane," she husked. "I really appreciated you being there for me today."

Jane took a long, searching moment to read Lisbon then gave her a tight smile. His tone was gentle. "Everyone should have a friend close by when they lose someone important to them, Lisbon."

Lisbon crossed her arms defensively. "I do have friends."

Jane's answering smile was full of warmth and affection. "Yes Lisbon, you do," he said with firm conviction. The look Lisbon sent him, a mixture of surprise, gratitude and other emotions he didn't want to analyse made Jane turn away in embarrassment. He scrambled to defuse the unanticipated intensity of the moment.

"Yes, well," he hemmed. "I mean a super dynamic go getter such as yourself is bound to have plenty of friends. Not that you'd have time for most of them," he couldn't help adding. "Given your single minded devotion to justice and the general rigmarole of law enforcement."

Lisbon felt her sarcastic tendencies settle over her like a warm blanket. "How about we end this conversation before you undo all your good work?"

Jane breathed out in relief. The return of snarky Lisbon was welcome. "Goodnight," he said abruptly as he left for his car. His mind was already turning over all the new things about her he'd learned that day. For once the prospect of a long night in his motel didn't seem discouraging.

The cold, analytical side to him looked forward to the peace and quiet he needed to properly analyse his findings, to see how they could be made to fit his plans for bloody vengeance on Red John.

There was another side to him, however. A more empathetic, softer side that was coaxed gently back to life by Lisbon herself. This one dwelt on other matters; it wished that someone could make good the deficit of love and affection created by Shadow's death. Goodness knew Lisbon short changed herself enough on that score.

Lisbon watched the back of her strange and complex consultant. An unasked question died on her lips. Did you have anyone, Jane? Did anyone offer you comfort after you lost Angela and Charlotte? Maybe the question didn't need to be asked. Maybe today had at least in part been about Jane re-enacting a version of loss where someone at least made it bearable.

Lisbon's thoughts turned melancholic again. Rather than head back to her office she decided to go home to her tragically empty apartment. Shadow deserved better than her hiding behind work. Instead, she would revive Bosco's old tradition and down a shot of tequila in remembrance of her beloved Shadow. She touched her cross and dedicated a swift prayer to her dear departed companion. After a second's hesitation she did the same for Jane. She prayed someone would help him come to terms with his loss. As he had done for her.


End file.
